Caregivers Corner - Tip of the day: breathe deeply; the reward is immeasurable

by Thais Abernethy
Floyd Press columnist

The other day I came across this blog, and I would like to share it with you.  Something about it caught my attention.  Some points rang true for me, and some did not.  You can form your own opinions.  One thing for sure, it is a topic for conversation and discussion.  Following are some excerpts from that article. 

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE
HOW TO SUPPORT CAREGIVERS…
     
In today’s world of expensive nursing home care, low or no insurance, and the worry of finding a good home for a loved one, more and more of us find ourselves becoming a caregiver in our own home…
Care-giving is a non-stop job.  It never ends—-not when the person is asleep, not when they are in the hospital for something, not ever.  The home caregiver and the patient are always one - they become one as both lives revolve around each other, totally dependent on each other.  As a result, my friends who have lost their spouse, after care-giving them at home, find themselves completely lost for quite some time. 
… if friends and family understand that the caregiver is not just someone who takes care of the ill person.  The caregiver still exists as an individual, with needs of their own that often go unmet. 
If it takes a town to raise a child, it surely takes a country to care for the ill.    
…You have the ability to lighten the burden of the caregiver, to realize that no matter how much they love the person they are caring for, it is a burden—-one they grasp onto willingly, and with the hope that they are giving the best care to this person that they could ever get.
…With this in mind, I have a few tips for those of you who visit a home where there is a caregiver.
First, when you stop by, always ask how both people are feeling…Second, when you call the ill person’s home, ask the caregiver to meet you for coffee… why not ask if you could drop a cup of coffee by the house…Third, apply the coffee suggestion to lunch…Fourth, when you do visit the patient, don’t say “he/she doesn’t look sick at all”…  In talking to other caregivers, they say the statement makes them feel like their friends think they are just making the situation up…Fifth, do not hesitate to call…Sixth, if you are comfortable around the person who is ill, ask the caregiver if they need to run to the store or the post office while you visit…Seventh, if it’s your parents who are in the caregiver role, realize that the spouse who is care-giving needs care too…Eighth, continue to invite your caregiver friend, and even the patient, to events—parties, concerts, or gatherings of friends…Ninth, on the subject of children/grandchildren: let them visit, let them understand, and answer all questions about “why” grandpa/grandma doesn’t always know them, or can’t chase them around anymore…Tenth, continue to treat your friend as a friend, your family member as a family member,… Yes, the caregiver’s life is now centered on the one they love.  But they still want to do and be a part of your life.  Don’t shy away. Just jump in and enjoy the rocky ride with them!!   
You can read the unabridged version at http://beanerywriters.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/how-to-give-support-to-caregivers/ 
I chose this article because it had feeling and gusto.  There is a moment in our lives that we surrender to our stress and acknowledge we need help.  At that moment, help comes.  It may show up in a myriad of different ways, and if we are observant and step back, we will see the miracle unfold in front of our eyes.  Maybe a kind word or gesture comes our way from a complete stranger or a friend.  Maybe, there is an article we read that will touch our heart and help us through a time of need.  No matter the form it takes our answers always come.  In my life, the moment I stop, and take a deep breath my body just starts to relax and my brain stops racing and the answers always come.  You should try it and see what happens.  This is the caregiving tip for the day: breathe deeply.  Breathe as many times as long as it feels good.  The reward is immeasurable.
I’ve gotten a fairamount of positive and encouraging emails from you regarding this column and what I am trying to accomplish.  Thank you for your kind words and offers of help.  The “Caregiver’s List” that I want to create is a list of names and contact information of reputable caregivers in this area.  This list will be available free of charge to the general population as well as any governmental or private programs and groups in the area that might be interested in having this list available to their clients.  Having this list available is a top priority for me and I know for many of you as well.  So, if you feel guided and are interested in being part of this list, please email me with all pertinent information. 
When you choose an individual from this list, please remember that it is your responsibility as a consumer to investigate, do background check, reference check and all the checks you can think of before choosing your caregiver.  It’s like going through a hiring process.  It takes a while but well worth the work you put into it.  You might consider starting the person on a trial basis.  In addition, please involve the “care receiver” in the decision making process.  Ultimately, they are the person that the caregiver has to work with.  This is the most import step in my book.  Both parties have to have a connection for a successful partnership.  Remember, it is all about relationships.  Until next time, remember caregiving is the art of giving.
You can email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), call me at 593.2169, or write to Caregivers Society, 1257 Moles Road, Willis, VA 24380.  Share with me.  Your privacy will be respected of course.